Today I joined the Biggest Loser weight loss support group. I wasn't going to join because I didn't want to spend the $40.00, but realized that I needed to do so. I've tried to lose on my own for so long, and I really need the support.
The group runs from today through September 11th. Both dates are significant to me. June 19th is the date that we had our last failed adoption, and September 11th is my birthday. This is my gift to myself.
I was so discouraged after trying to lose weight, really sticking with my diet plan, only to gain! I'm good at beating myself up, but the reality is that I have health problems that cause me to be sedentary. I have severe osteoarthritis in my neck, spine, and knees. I have degenerative disk disease and ruptured disks. I have lymphedema in both legs. I have no idea what my legs weigh, but they feel like they're filled with cement. The lymphedema makes movement difficult, too. I also have a brain tumor in my pituitary that causes me to have high levels of prolactin, the hormone that regulates other hormones. Even when I heard about a number of different people who gained over 100 pounds after being diagnosed with the same tumor, I continued to beat myself up.
I'm finished beating myself up. I deserve better. Yes, I'm overweight. Grossly overweight. No, I don't like it. But, it's where I am right now. It's also not who I am inside. It's taken me a long time to believe that, but something has shifted.
This is my journey, which I'm taking day by day, each of which is a gift.
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