Morning Affirmations

Eating Right, In Spite of It All

Today, on this first day of spring, I traveled an hour in the snow to see a new doctor for my back.  I'm going to get injections right after my x-ray and MRI are done, and I'm looking forward to it! The pain is crazy, and has gotten noticeably worse since being so stressed out. 


I can't even wrap my head around what's happening with my little sister. After being sick for a couple of weeks, she had a scan that showed some masses.  She saw the oncologist, he immediately sent her to the ER and had her admitted. She has numerous tumors in her uterus and peritoneum, and one kidney is shut down from a tumor pressing on it. She has eight doctors on her team, and they're shocked at how sick she is considering that she had a clear CT scan one year ago. She has surgery first thing Monday morning.  She's never been hospitalized before in her life.


My youngest son hasn't been at school in three weeks because of extreme anxiety brought on by his teacher giving him something he was allergic to and the subsequent EpiPen, ambulance ride, and trip to the ER. We're fighting with the school district to get home education for him while we're touring schools, looking for a suitable placement for him. His anxiety heightened after we discovered our neighbor's house across the street on fire last weekend, and he saw the police kick in the door, and smoke come billowing out, and hours of sirens and lights and firefighters on our little street. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but their dog died in the fire. Now my little guy barely leaves my side, and is terrified that he's going to die from eating something he's allergic to, or from our house being on fire. It's heartbreaking and exhausting, all at once. 


I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, eating what I have to eat, and trying to remember to breathe. I'm going to cook as much as I can tomorrow because I'm spending the day at the hospital with my sister on Sunday.  I'm thankful that I'm abstinent during this, because I know that I'd feel so much worse if I buried all of this stress and sadness in food.


Another positive is that the scale in the doctor's office showed that I'm down 27 pounds.  Weight comes off of me very slowly because of the pituitary tumor, so I'm thankful and amazed that this weight is gone!

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Ultimate Weight Loss with Chef AJ and John Pierre

I completed Chef AJ and John Pierre's 21-Day Challenge on Ultimate Weight Loss with full compliance.  I feel so different than I did three weeks ago!



Three weeks ago, I felt:

Depressed

Hopeless

Discouraged

Reclusive

Bloated

I hurt from head to toe.  

It hurt to move, 

so I did so only when absolutely necessary.

Today, I feel:

Hopeful

Happy

Encouraged

Lighter

I hurt from head to toe.  

What?? 

Well, I do, but I don't hurt nearly as much 

as I did just three shorts weeks ago.  

I'm moving more, and the fibro 

and back pain is subsiding a little bit.

I refuse to let the scale define my progress, but I did weigh before and after, and in 21 days, I dropped 23 pounds.  I did it by eating as much food as I wanted, food that tasted wonderful and was filling and satisfying.

I had headaches for a few days after starting, as the toxins from caffeine and sugars and processed foods exited my body.  I had cravings then, too.  Today, the cravings are gone, and I can't wait for my veggies each morning!  

It just amazes me how quickly our taste buds can change, and how quickly healing can begin.

I can't wait to see where I go with this!

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 30

Gratitude:

1.  Completed the UWL 21-Day Challenge, 100% compliant
2.  Completed my 30 Day Gratitude Challenge
3.  Am experiencing less pain
4.  Am down 26 pounds
5.  Know that this is just the beginning of a healthy life

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 29

Gratitude:

1.  Learning to live in the present moment
2.  A beautiful almost-spring day
3.  A good appointment for E
4.  Learning what foods might not be the best for me
5.  Acceptance

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 28

Today was a difficult day emotionally, and I'm feeling it tonight.  I'm drained and exhausted.

The difference between today and other days in the past is that I didn't choose to drown my sorrows in food today.  I acknowledged the sucky parts of the day, but also embraced the good parts.  That's definite progress!

Gratitude:

1.  I didn't stuff my emotions with food today
2.  Another good day with E
3.  People reaching out to my sister
4.  My MIL discharged from the hospital
5.  Knowing that I have a warm bed waiting for me

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 27

Gratitude:

1.  Love of good, healthy food
2.  Steady progress
3.  Pajamas Day
4.  Working on a solution with N
5.  Electric fireplace heater

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 26

Gratitude:

1.  Accepting myself, where I am, as I am
2.  E's sweetness
3.  Being able to help a friend
4.  J discovering the neighbor's house on fire; quick response by police and fire
5.  People pulling together

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 25

Gratitude:

1.  Learning to accept myself as I am right now
2.  Learning that what I do is enough
3.  Starting to believe that I'm doing a decent job of raising my kids
4.  Dealing with stress without turning to food
5.  Learning to believe in myself

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 24

Today was tough.  Lots of sadness.  Upon hearing sad news, my first immediate reaction was to turn to food.  I was shocked because, minutes earlier, I'd felt as strong as ever.  Just that quickly it all changed.  I continued to want to eat and drink throughout the remainder of the day.

The difference this time is that I didn't act on it.  I recognized it as an old habit to stress and pain.  Then I allowed myself to feel the emotions instead of stuffing them.  I allowed the tears to come and I verbalized how I felt.  I said no to the urge to eat, whereas I used to feel completely powerless to say no.

In the past, I would have classified today as a bad day.  It wasn't a bad, though.  It was a good day, during which I was hit with some difficult news.

There was still a lot of good in today.

Gratitude:

1.  I didn't eat over difficult news
2.  I allowed myself to cry and acknowledge my feelings
3.  I had another good day with E
4.  Two of the kids' therapists who went way above and beyond today
5.  A visit with my in-laws

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 23

It was a good day.

The End  :)

Gratitude:

1.  Good food
2.  Figuring out a steady food plan
3.  E's wellness
4.  Dr. P's kindness
5.  A path to wellness

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 22

So, the official 21-Day Challenge has ended, but I'm just beginning!  I'm thankful to have completed the 21 days eating only compliant food.  I feel a little bit better each day, and I'm happy to have peace with the food.  I'm not going to rely on the scale to determine my success, but I did weigh myself before and after this challenge, and I'm down 23 pounds.  That feels good!

Gratitude:

1.  Compliance
2.  Chef AJ's generosity
3.  Great support tonight
4.  Another good day with E
5.  Welcoming change, rather than fighting it

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 21

I love Geneen Roth's words!  I've let the scale tell me that I'm a piece of crap for a long time now.  Most of my life, actually.  It's just been in the past few months that I've been able to accept that maybe, just maybe, I'm an okay person right now.  I can say the words, but the thoughts and feelings go deep, and it's going to be a process to get me to a place where I really totally believe it.  All I know is that just starting to believe that I'm okay the way I am has enabled me to open up about being a food addict, which is so incredibly freeing.  And I know that it's going to keep getting better...


Gratitude:

1.  An amazing day with E
2.  A good visit with Melissa
3.  An awesome attorney
4.  A good talk with Nick
5.  Accomplished the 21-Day Challenge!  Can't wait for Day 22!

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 20

I got really cranky this afternoon.  I'm not sure what was up, maybe just little things that I haven't been dealing with.  I was so used to stuffing them back down with food; now I have to let them out and work through them!

Gratitude:

1.  Not eating in response to frustration
2.  A nice day at home with the family
3.  Nick cleaned upstairs and it's beautiful!
4.  Satisfying food that doesn't cause cravings
5.  I think my pants might be a little bit looser  :)

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 19

The physical triggers are gone, the underlying emotional stuff is an ongoing process, and today I tackled some of the habitual stuff. We play a lot of family board games and cards, and I always used to have a glass of wine and maybe my baked chips and salsa while we played. I mindlessly ate and drank the entire time.

Today, I felt the draw to put something in my mouth, so I simply filled up my 22-ounce glass water bottle. Without even realizing it, I drank two full bottles of water while playing a game with my daughter! I like this new habit!


Gratitude:

1.  Playing games with GG
2.  A very successful day for Nick
3.  My sister coming over and then taking the kids to see Nick
4.  That when GG got hit while on the zip line and it just missed her eye
5.  Listening to Nate's friends singing when they were over tonight
6.  Another good day with E

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 18

I didn't eat too much today because I had a clingy little boy who needed his momma.  As long as I didn't get frustrated because of not being able to cook what I'd planned to cook, I was okay!  I tossed some little potatoes in the IP, steamed up some green beans, and topped them with some onion mushroom gravy that I'd made in the morning.  I love how easy it is to eat this way!

Gratitude:

1.  Being able to snuggle with E
2.  A beautiful snowy day
3.  No school for the kids
4.  Nick being part of a big show tomorrow
5.  Peace with food

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 17

I had roasted kale for breakfast yesterday morning, and it was so delicious. I was thrilled to find that I had another bunch of kale in the fridge, so that I could make it again this morning.

I realized what an amazing difference it is to look forward to eating something because it tastes incredible, than to be obsessed by something because it has taken over my mind and I can't stop thinking about it.

I wouldn't trade this freedom for anything!

Gratitude:

1.  A day at home with the children
2.  Gorgeous snow
3.  Playing games with GG
4.  Playing with E, who accepted snuggles today
5.  A warm, toasty house!

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 16

Today was so busy with appointments, and it really got to me.  I was stressed, overwhelmed.  In the past, that would have meant overeating, probably followed by wine.  Today, I acknowledged that I was that I was upset, let a few tears slip out, and ate normally.  My meals weren't exciting, but I ate what I had and I was satisfied.  Progress, for sure!


Gratitude:

1.  Not turning to food
2.  Being able to stay inside and avoid the ice
3.  My doctor
4.  Honesty emotions from my son
5.  Being able to wipe away my daughter's tears, physically and emotionally

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 15

Another good day today.  Busy, but good.  Was thankful to have food on hand so that I could grab food between appointments.  Made the quickest chili in the IP, and really loved it.

Finally got my Fitbit going.  I can't walk very much, but even if I do two more steps than the day before, I'll be happy.  I'm also focusing on standing up more often, even though I can't stand for long.

Gratitude:

1.  Help for my son
2.  Not having to go anywhere in the ice today
3.  Everyone in the family was safe at home tonight
4.  Quick meals
5.  Good supportive friends

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 14

I attempted to do a fruit and veggie day today, along with some UWL friends.  It didn't feel right.  Although I love my veggies, I ate more fruit than I normally would have, and I had feelings of deprivation.  I attempted to work through that, but by 7:00 PM, I had a terrible headache and felt awful.  I didn't have the option of going to bed, so I decided to eat a good dinner.  It felt like the right thing to do, and I'm glad that I did it.

Gratitude:

1.  A new team to help our family
2.  Another good day with E, even when Nick was out tonight
3.  My UWL teleclass
4.  Reconnecting with friends
5.  No self-condemnation

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30 Days of Gratitude - Day 13

 

I had the best weekend I've had in a long time, simply because E was content, even though Nick was away.  Amazing.  Even if he hadn't been okay, I was prepared to look for the good in all situations, and find happiness in the smallest of moments.

Gratitude:

1.  Watching E engage in imaginative play with his Lego creations
2.  Organic sweet potatoes
3.  Beautiful snow
4.  A house full of children
5.  Collapsing into a warm bed at night

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