Self-Caretaker

I started following the Protective Diet on June 19th.  I also joined a Biggest Loser competition with an online adoption group on the same day.

I'm glad I joined the Biggest Loser group.  It gave me the boost I needed to get started.  I wasn't going to join because it cost $40.00, and I didn't want to spend the money on myself.  But, when I read the details, I saw that the competition started on June 19th and ended on September 11th.  Both of those dates are significant to me: June 19th marks the date of our last failed adoption, and September 11th is my birthday.  After some thought, I decided to join as a birthday present to myself.

I'm glad that I made that decision because I knew that I'd get support from other adoptive parents on the group who have kids with special needs.  They know firsthand how time consuming that is and how easy it is to put everything into your kids and have nothing left for yourself.

I love my children more than I can say, but I have become a nurse, a doctor, a pharmacist, a therapist, and an advocate.  I spend countless hours doing research, filling out paperwork, fighting for services, going to appointments with doctors and therapists, spending time in the ER and hospital, coordinating numerous therapist visits in our home, searching for new therapies and treatments...the list goes on.

At the end of the day, I had no time or energy left for myself.

I noticed something with other adoptive parents I knew.  Either they ended up getting sick (like I did) or they made a point of running or kickboxing or doing whatever it took to let off steam and do something for themselves.  I couldn't figure out how they found the time.

When I started this competition, I decided to make the time.  No matter what, I made myself the priority.  I cooked while the laundry and dishes piled up, and today I ignored the tower of paperwork on my desk and went swimming.

My role in life is a caretaker right now, but I've learned that I have to extend that role to include myself.  It's not easy.  I started this post yesterday, got interrupted more times than I can count, and was up until 2:30 AM with one child when I desperately needed sleep.  Yes, I was frustrated, but instead of giving up and telling myself that it's pointless to try to take care of myself, I just took it one minute at a time.  I didn't need to eat to soothe my frayed nerves or because I was so sleep deprived.  I slept when I could, and got up and ate my healthy breakfast.  I'm tired today, but as long as I just focus on my meals and my health, I'll be okay.