Tackling Fears and Self-Doubt

Yesterday was such an emotionally charged day.  My friend told me that her husband, who works in the music industry, got my favorite singer to come sing at their block party.  They know how much I like her, and wanted to be sure that I came and got to meet her.

So, I was faced with this amazing opportunity...and the challenge of going out, something I rarely do.  Each time I thought I couldn't do it, there was a solution. 

My husband was going to be working, and I haven't driven in almost two years because my eyesight was affected by the tumor.  So, he asked his parents to come for the weekend, and his mom drove me. 

I wasn't sure how much walking I could do.  Problem solved: all I had to do was give my name, and they let us through to park where the band parks, close to the stage.  There was a chair for me, right up front.

With the physical problems taken care of, I had to tackle the emotional aspects of it.  The kids were out of control all morning, leaving me exhausted and in tears.

My mind swirled with doubts:

I'm too fat to go do this.  

I don't want to meet her because of the way I look.  

I should just stay home.  I can just listen to her music at home.

I pushed through the doubts, but it wasn't easy.  I had to just take it one minute at a time, and force the thoughts about the future out of my head.

The concert was amazing, as I knew it would be.  I had to work hard to focus on the music, though, instead of worrying about being self-conscious when meeting her afterwards.

In the end, I met her and got my CD's signed, and {gasp} even got my picture taken with her.  I dreaded that the most, and I'll be honest and say that I haven't even really looked at the pictures yet!  My husband looked and said that they're good.  I glanced, from across the room, and decided to view those pictures as a part of this amazing journey.  They're hard for me to look at now, but at some point, I'll be able to look closely at them and appreciate them as the time when I started feeling well enough to go out and do things again, while on the road to regaining my health.

I'm really glad I pushed through the fears and went!  My plan now is to continue to enjoy this journey instead of hiding until I reach my goals.